That title reminds me of the movie “Matrix” where Keanu Reeves is “The One”! I am addressing family systems in this post, and how to improve or repair the way we do family. “Will you be the one” in your family that initiates change?
How does your family operate? Probably similar in many ways to your personal childhood experience. The added ingredient is your spouse and his/her childhood family experience. It gets tricky when we marry these two different experiences, and the meshed reactions to our personal experiences. If we lived in an abusive home, we often either mimic that as adults to our families, or we go the other way and make changes based on judgments we have harbored against our parents, and or siblings. Drastic change, based on fear, motivated by judgments. The variables are numerous! This usually produces an extreme family system that operates in shame. The judgment in our heart against our fathers house will only reap….JUDGMENT! Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked ; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. Have you ever said or thought “I will never do that to my kids” or “my children will never have to experience that”. How do you determine whether or not your judging or only observing? My definition of judgment is “an observation with teeth!”
If we choose to mimic our childhood family experience, we lose and so do our loved ones. If we choose to change our family values based on judgments, we are only stuffing the issues deeper. Now the problem has gone into “stealth mode”. Our family system appears to be “better than our parents way” but the problem areas manifest in other attitudinal ways that are more “socially acceptable” than blatant abuse, like anger, passivity, drinking, workaholism to name a few! We call this behavior “having an elephant in the living room”, that no one will address. Control! “I don’t trust you enough to talk to you, about my feelings.” Don’t Trust, don’t Talk, don’t Feel! These are 3 unspoken, dysfunctional family rules! Make no mistake, if we mimic our abusive experience, our children will inherit suffering, and we will inherit being known and feared as an abuser.
I realize that not everyone can relate to what I am speaking of here, but here is some truth for those of you that can, to help heal your family dynamics for generations to come! Shame based family systems have plagued mankind for centuries. This is the way most of us have experienced family. If you do right, you are acceptable, if you do wrong there are divers consequences. The worst perhaps is feeling unloved, no value, and that your opinion does not matter! Selah
It’s time we apply what the Word of God says, into our family systems. (See my post above “Walk it Out”) We can restore dignity to our loved ones, and to our family name. Selah – Try to think in terms of generations!
1 A [good] name is to be chosen rather than great riches, Loving favor rather than silver and gold.
4 By humility [and] the fear of the Lord [Are] riches and honor and life.
If we identify with the “judgments” method, the issues WILL manifest in the generations that follow (See Exodus 34:5-7). No eradication until the issues of abuse are appropriated through forgiveness toward the abuser/s. “Will you be the one” to initiate the “renouncing of judgments” both spoken or entertained in your minds in your family? This is the initial response needed to bring generational restoration. Secondly, we begin to speak blessing, and honor, and thanksgiving over our families. Not just in prayer, but directly to the people that represent your living family. “Will you be the one” to initiate change in your family? Will you be “the Repairer of the Breaches, the Restorer of the Streets to Dwell In” (Isaiah 58:12).
- Renounce judgments we have made against those who sinned against us or our families!
- Speak blessing, honor, and thanksgiving over them as they press through their experience or journey. It really all boils down to Romans 12:1,2! The renewing of our mind, our thinking!
“Will you be the one” in your family to begin to think differently? Every blessing as you press in!
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I hope this post has stirred you for appropriating godly change in your family generations. Please leave a comment. Love to read your thoughts!
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