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Malaysian Banana Leaf
I remember when we first moved to Malaysia, we sat down to an Indian meal served on a banana leaf, rice, assorted veggies, chicken smothered in curry, chutney, and much more… with no silverware! We told our 12 year old son Josh, “forget everything we taught you about etiquette at the dinner table, and just dig in with your hands!”. He did, we did, but it seemed sooooooo foreign to me as the gravy made its way down my forearm to my elbow! Now after 15 years of walking out that seemingly drastic change, it seems like second nature to sit down to a meal with out silverware, and there is no more mess.
In our lives, we have been programmed to do, think, and even feel a certain way, by the “powers that be” in our past childhood environment. If it was an unstable environment, chances are we seem quirky to most of the population we rub shoulders with. Even if it was stable, we, not one of us is without anxieties and issues that can stand some tweaking. Perfect love and naked truth are the instruments of re-programming that we need. Most of us long for change, “re-programming” in order for our personal quirks to be ironed out via the healing of our hearts. To some of us our sense is “nothing is wrong, but something’s not right!”. When we begin to experience “Re-program/Re-entry”, that strange new way of doing life, will become as natural as taking our next breath.
Many of us experienced homes where “I don’t trust you enough, to speak to you, about how I really feel” were three of the unspoken rules. Someone was controlling with fear tactics, and in that environment, honor, love, dignity, peace, purpose are almost non-existent. Later, we become young adults, or mature adults and read about “A Better Way” of doing life! It sounds, feels, and is foreign to us that “Father” God would love us unconditionally. We can begin to give that love away and treat others with dignity, purity, kindness, without any animosity at all. It’s like eating mashed potatoes and gravy with your hands at first, but becomes so natural because of His supernatural love for us!
- Are you longing for change in your life?
- In your life is this accurate ~ “nothing is wrong, but something’s not right”?
- How bad do you desire a greater freedom in your life?
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Photo by Johnna Brynn Bockover
Let’s look at a more practical, day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute pain remedy that can become a lifestyle instead of just an exercise. I like to call it “pain-shifting”. You’ve heard of “blame-shifting”, well this works in a similar way. “Pain shifting” is like this, “I am starting to feel a heaviness, Jesus, would You please take this heaviness, I can’t and won’t afford to carry it and loose my joy. I have things to do today that don’t include depression. I just want to tell You how much I love You for taking that Lord!” That is “pain-shifting”! It works over and over again throughout your day, and is the remedy for all those little things on your list that make you feel blue!
Bottom line is this. Life is not always easy, much of the negative is only our emotions and thoughts out of control. Some “day to day” issues are very real circumstances that we have to walk through. We are not alone. He cares for us. (I Peter 5:7) The burdens (anxieties, fears) we can give to Him instead of trying to assimilate them, which causes us to be ill. This “pain-shifting” is a way of guarding our hearts (Philippians 4:6,7), and keeping on our Quest for Freedom (Galatians 5:1 NIV)! Happy “Pain-Shifting!”
Here is the protocol;
- Sense the negativity in thought or emotion!
- Talk to God about your feelings!
- Give Him the burden!
- Go on with your day in joy!
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Where do you run during crisis?
This is a post from 13 months ago, but as I re-read it today, realized it is still relative to our world-wide circumstances. I hope this text helps you decide where to run in your crisis moments.
December 5, 2008
As we experience the current worldwide crisis in the financial sector we all are effected one way or another. The recent US elections turned out a new Federal Government that promises “Change”, and for many Americans this creates a sense of crisis especially if you did not vote for “Change”. Relational crisis is something that all of us face at different levels throughout our lifetime. Differences and conflicts with parents, siblings, children, special friends, bosses, subordinates, peers, pastors, policemen, strangers too! Sometimes this “fallout” in relationships is devastating. We also need to factor these following (B. G.) statistics into this arena of social crisis right here in emotional America !
58% of Americans suffer mild to moderate mental/emotional health problems.
24% of Americans suffer moderate to major mental/emotional health problems.
Therefore; 82% of America is emotionally unhealthy.
These figures are alarming, but any of us that take into consideration what constitutes mental/emotional issues, know that we ourselves are either a negative part of these stats or we are floating right on the border due to the way we process CRISIS in our lives! Do we struggle with Fears; Anxiety-Depression-Anger-Rage? These are just a few characteristics of fear-based mental/emotional health we might identify in our lives or those near to us.
I John 4:18 tells us that perfect (mature) love casts out all fear! Crisis produces fear, and fear entertained robs us of our peace. In essence mature fear casts out love. “You and I were created by Love, for love, to love!” says Jack Frost, late founder of Shiloh Place Ministries. God is love and if we are comfortable with love, then fear and crisis will not shake us because we can find our peace in the presence of Love. Jesus, in His final and ultimate crisis modeled a healthy reaction to crisis, as He hung on the cross, bleeding and bruised, rejected and mocked, physically dying with His expressed sense of peace through His prayer “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”
Let me encourage you in these times of financial, political, relational, and emotional crisis, or whatever your personal crisis may be, to not react in fear by running to false comforts (addictions, eating disorders, illegal sexual pleasures, isolation, or any type of unrighteous behavior), by not walking out fear-based behaviors as listed above, but rather, respond by reflecting your Creator (Love) as you express love back to Him, and give it away to your fellow man. This, I promise will bring you much more peace in these times of crisis which we all are facing.
Where will you run? Love or fear?
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Photo by Hanna Lemholt
I want to address a concept that each one of us struggles with at varying degrees “The Identity Deficit” (our inaccurate assumption of our lesser value to Father God). I believe God in this hour, is wooing us back into not only His arms, but back into that Divine heritage that we so often take for granted.
Relationship with Him – Our Ultimate Identity!
Human nature often gets the upper hand in our struggle for identity. We either identify ourselves with our extreme weaknesses or bad decisions, appearing to be riddled with shame to those around us, or we go to the polar extreme – our strengths and accomplishments. Pride and arrogance are the resulting behaviors that manifest to others. Identifying ourselves by these measures will only contribute to yours and my “Identity Deficit!”
Jesus, in Matthew 16:13ff asked His disciples “Who do men say I, the Son of man is?” the response was interesting in that all the men they named were already dead, as if He was a resurrected prophet. Then Jesus asked them “but who do you say that I am?” Of course Peter got it right by saying “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God!” I believe Jesus modeled for us how to see ourselves regardless of our background. You see to the “natural” (non-religious) public, the opinion of Jesus was, an illegitimate child born to a village girl, to the chagrin of Joseph the local carpenter who married her anyway. But Jesus knew Who’s He was, and where He was destined to go, He didn’t choose to be identified by the perceived shamefulness of the public eye. He knew how to draw near and hear His Fathers whisper, and know His heart in every situation. Jesus, even at the tender age of twelve did not struggle with an “identity deficit” when His earthly parents came looking for Him. He was about His Father’s business. He always remained clear about Who’s He was on this earth!
Without clear boundaries settled within us concerning our ultimate identity, how can we be “about our Father’s business?
- Who do men say you are?
- Who does Father God say you are?
- Who do you say you are?
- Which one will you believe? It’s your choice.
Our actions often reveal the depth of our “identity deficit”. He is “I AM” (Exodus 3:14) and if you are born of the Spirit (John 3:5-8), His Spirit lives in you. You are now a no-body that became a somebody, because “I AM” has taken up residence within you. I believe as the Apostle John wrote in 1 John 4:16 “and we have come to know and believe the love that God has for us”, that when we begin to move towards believing in our heart that we are greatly loved with “perfect love”, our fears will dissipate and our “identity deficit” will be settled. Our masks will drop and we shall be transformed into our true place in the Kingdom.
Children of God ~ is WHO you are!
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That title reminds me of the movie “Matrix” where Keanu Reeves is “The One”! I am addressing family systems in this post, and how to improve or repair the way we do family. “Will you be the one” in your family that initiates change?
How does your family operate? Probably similar in many ways to your personal childhood experience. The added ingredient is your spouse and his/her childhood family experience. It gets tricky when we marry these two different experiences, and the meshed reactions to our personal experiences. If we lived in an abusive home, we often either mimic that as adults to our families, or we go the other way and make changes based on judgments we have harbored against our parents, and or siblings. Drastic change, based on fear, motivated by judgments. The variables are numerous! This usually produces an extreme family system that operates in shame. The judgment in our heart against our fathers house will only reap….JUDGMENT! Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked ; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. Have you ever said or thought “I will never do that to my kids” or “my children will never have to experience that”. How do you determine whether or not your judging or only observing? My definition of judgment is “an observation with teeth!”
If we choose to mimic our childhood family experience, we lose and so do our loved ones. If we choose to change our family values based on judgments, we are only stuffing the issues deeper. Now the problem has gone into “stealth mode”. Our family system appears to be “better than our parents way” but the problem areas manifest in other attitudinal ways that are more “socially acceptable” than blatant abuse, like anger, passivity, drinking, workaholism to name a few! We call this behavior “having an elephant in the living room”, that no one will address. Control! “I don’t trust you enough to talk to you, about my feelings.” Don’t Trust, don’t Talk, don’t Feel! These are 3 unspoken, dysfunctional family rules! Make no mistake, if we mimic our abusive experience, our children will inherit suffering, and we will inherit being known and feared as an abuser.
I realize that not everyone can relate to what I am speaking of here, but here is some truth for those of you that can, to help heal your family dynamics for generations to come! Shame based family systems have plagued mankind for centuries. This is the way most of us have experienced family. If you do right, you are acceptable, if you do wrong there are divers consequences. The worst perhaps is feeling unloved, no value, and that your opinion does not matter! Selah
It’s time we apply what the Word of God says, into our family systems. (See my post above “Walk it Out”) We can restore dignity to our loved ones, and to our family name. Selah – Try to think in terms of generations!
Proverbs 22:1,4;
1 A [good] name is to be chosen rather than great riches, Loving favor rather than silver and gold.
4 By humility [and] the fear of the Lord [Are] riches and honor and life.
If we identify with the “judgments” method, the issues WILL manifest in the generations that follow (See Exodus 34:5-7). No eradication until the issues of abuse are appropriated through forgiveness toward the abuser/s. “Will you be the one” to initiate the “renouncing of judgments” both spoken or entertained in your minds in your family? This is the initial response needed to bring generational restoration. Secondly, we begin to speak blessing, and honor, and thanksgiving over our families. Not just in prayer, but directly to the people that represent your living family. “Will you be the one” to initiate change in your family? Will you be “the Repairer of the Breaches, the Restorer of the Streets to Dwell In” (Isaiah 58:12).
- Renounce judgments we have made against those who sinned against us or our families!
- Speak blessing, honor, and thanksgiving over them as they press through their experience or journey. It really all boils down to Romans 12:1,2! The renewing of our mind, our thinking!
“Will you be the one” in your family to begin to think differently? Every blessing as you press in!
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I hope this post has stirred you for appropriating godly change in your family generations. Please leave a comment. Love to read your thoughts!
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We often times hear and read slogans being chanted on the news and newspapers “save the whales”, “hug a tree”, or “protect the environment”. I would like to suggest to us that God is ready for us to “change the environment”. Yes, I believe God would want us to become “environmentalists”. Many of us operate in life according to what we have experienced, and in many cases, we like our parents, continue to hurt and be hurt. We either move into control or we cower down and become passive or complacent, which is shame based, never really talking about what is really in our heart. There is a better way!
Jesus said in John 14:6 “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life…” and we would do well to unpack that just a little bit more. Let’s focus on “Jesus the Way”. Let’s look at the way Jesus related to life. He was not afraid of anything, he was not insecure, we saw that in Luke 2 when Jesus was only 12 years old and teaching the religious leaders. He never robbed people of their dignity even when rebuking them, he only addressed their hypocrisies. And according to Paul in his letter to the Philippians, he highly valued humility, honor, and agape’ (love that meets others needs, at my expense).
Jesus had no fear because He postured Himself in His Fathers presence always. 1 John 4:18 says that God is love, and perfect love casts out fear. Oh how our environment would change if Father God’s presence was always in our mind & hearts! If we truly lived our lives without fear of man, fear of death or sickness, fear of rejection, fear of lack, fear of future, imagine how our environment would be. No more need to control relationships, peace within and without, trust between former rivals. We would naturally be able to walk out humility and honor for one another. And this, my friend would be pleasing in the sight of God. Change your environment! Choose to love in ways that it costs you something, honor even those who don’t deserve it, and stop considering yourself more than you really are. Ouch!
Please leave us a comment!
On the Way,
Bob
